This Squirrely World
I was going to write on a different topic, but it was really
depressing and I hate being depressed. I
therefore decided to disregard that idea, even though I had an excellent
opening sentence. Bright and cheery
things are much better to write about.
So here is the brightest and the cheeriest incident that actually
occurred about which I am willing to write.
When I was in
fourth grade, I used to wait outside my apartment building every morning for
the school van to pick me up. I studied
the grass and the trees for lack of anything better to do. One morning a squirrel caught my
attention. At first it was just running
around the base of a tall tree, but then it stopped. I watched in fascination as the squirrel
stood up on its hind legs and supported itself with one of its forelegs against
the tree. It looked just like a human
causally leaning against a wall. I half
expected the squirrel to cross its legs.
When I reached
seventh grade, I had a teacher who was afraid of squirrels. Directly outside her classroom window was a
tree that was home to an entire family of squirrels. Every time she caught sight of one of the
creatures, she would shudder and turn away.
If a window was open, she would get very antsy and tense until it was
closed, barring all squirrels from entering her safe haven. She was definitely terrified of
squirrels. Oh well. That's what you get from growing up in New
York. J
Squirrels are
actually not terribly smart, and they never learned the basics of safety: only
cross streets in the crosswalks and when the light is green. Squirrels just don't get it. That's why so many of them wind up as road
decorations. Even so, they are really
cute.
If everyone in
the world was like squirrels, few technological advancements would occur,
people would keep dying off from their own stupidity, and disease would quickly
spread through the rotting carcasses.
Thankfully, humans have more sense than squirrels.
Squirrels can
actually be quite useful. A parent can
point at a squirrel and say to her child, "See that squirrel, Katie? Never do what that squirrel is doing. We only cross streets at the crosswalk when
the light is green." And then the
children will learn. "Look at that
dead squirrel in the street, Katie. He
wasn't following the basic rules of safety."
Okay, so maybe
this isn't as bright and happy as I had predicted. Oops.
My various
experiences with squirrels have taught me not to model my behavior after that
of animals. Even though they sometimes show
human like characteristics, they are not humans. Personally, I think that I'm better at not
getting myself killed than the animals are.
So, about this
contraction thing. Oh, yeah, and this
'thing' thing. I agree that contractions
are not appropriate in formal writing.
But come on, who would actually consider this piece to be formal? I certainly don't. And I will agree that the word 'thing' is
about as non-specific as you can get, but sometimes it just fits really well.
Back to
squirrels. As cute as they are, they
aren't very smart/ And they can be a
real nuisance if they get into your attic or your walls and wake people up in
the middle of the night.
There are many
people in this world who are just like squirrels. I think that the human race would be better
off without them. Unfortunately, to
search out such people and kill them would be too hard and unethical. Also, it is impossible to insure that none of
them reproduce. And then how can we
decide how squirrely is too squirrely?
It is completely impossible.
Squirrels shall live on in the human race until the end of time.
